Lighter than a feather, heavier than a mountain
by Ianho
Summary: Youmu's heart is heavy today. Oneshot.
Konpaku Youmu is tired.

She is tired of many, many things.

She is tired of days when nothing seems to make sense, when the grand plots of millennia-old schemers intersect and crash into each other, rebounding and reflecting and creating a grand mess, simply to make a point that could have been made with a few simple actions, and much less excitement.

 _But Lady Yuyuko, why are we doing this?_

 _Hush Youmu, you still have much to learn. Make sure to pay more attention next time._

She is tired of days when the stark beauty of the Netherworld is simply not enough, and the warmth, the laughter, the _life_ of the rest of Gensokyo is a siren call she cannot resist. After all, is it not the blessing and the curse of the Konpakus to live in both worlds at once? To have a foot in each, but never truly belonging to either?

 _Lady Yuyuko, I was wondering...what is it like to be fully alive?_

 _Oh Youmu, it's a tragedy. Why do you think I invite so many people to come stay with me?_

 _Are you sure, Lady Yuyuko? The people in Gensokyo seem awfully fond of tragedies then…_

She is tired of having to deal with the whims and caprices of her mistress. Oh, she loves Yuyuko dearly, of course. She has been the one constant in Youmu's life for as long as she can remember; trusted confidant and reassuring presence all in one playful, irreverent package. Nevertheless, a little less teasing would be appreciated. No more ridiculous requests would be nice too.

 _Oh, those all look so good! Youmu, be a dear and get me ten of those and twenty of that. That should do nicely for starters._

 _But Lady Yuyuko, we've already spent all our money._

 _Oh, what a tragedy! I suppose I shall have to start begging in the streets then. Alas, my beauty will soon attract ruffians, and then they will attempt to ravish me, and then you'll bravely step in to defend my honour, but fall after a heroic struggle, and then..._

 _Please don't do that, Lady Yuyuko. Any of that._

She is tired of being the perfect retainer, the model servant, the ur-samurai. Her duty weighs her down, and when she ponders the long years ahead, something inside her quails at the thought of unending service, to labour for years upon uncounted years. She knows, deep down, that she will forever only be known for her service and not for her own deeds.

 _Honoured father, why do we serve the Lady Saigyouji?_

 _We serve because there are no others who could, and because there is no finer cause. Remember that always, Youmu._

She is tired of her striving, her constant struggle to master the way of the sword. Her talent is great, but so was her ambition, and some days she feels the latter has outstripped the former. For as long as she has wielded her twin swords, she has defined herself by them, but if her best efforts are nothing compared to the power wielded by that slip of a shrine maiden, why should she even bother?

 _Hand over all the essence of spring you have with you, and I may just let you go._

 _Not if I take back the spring you stole first. This Incident will be ended, one way or another!_

She ponders on the swords she bears. Heirlooms, and also burdens. She is proud to bear them, but at the same time so weary of them. Their storied legacy is something she feels unable to uphold, callow as she is. For all their might, they are no help to her now.

The things the Sword of the Watchtower, youkai-forged, cannot cut are next to none; yet it cannot cut the silken ties of duty that bind more tightly than chains of steel.

The Sword of the White Tower cuts through all confusion, and even grants enlightenment of a sort. How ironic that its wielder is still lost; searching for a meaning to her own existence.

She is tired, she is weary beyond relief; but she will remain steadfast, for it is all she has left.

It is her duty. And for Konpaku Youmu, that will have to be enough.

* * *

A/N: Chronologically takes place immediately after Ten Desires, resolved by Reimu in this continuity. Youmu didn't make it past Yoshika.


End file.
